JOURNAL #9

[adreannaTal{fb}]

2/9/11




My arms around you tight, slow dancing,
kissing your mouth as i look up at you
your hands rest on the small of my back
fingers aching to caress my sweet rump
we move together in the soft candlelight,
so close, my breasts pressed to your chest
we can feel our hearts racing as we dance
as we move together around the lodge
my heart swells, my words seem poor
a shadow of my true feelings for you
I reach to whisper so softly into your ear
words of love offered to one so dear
Master . . .
be mine, take my heart, never let it go,
make me long for you when I am alone,
make me glad to see you each day,
make me thankful to be so blessed
we grind together as we dance so close,
our breath mingled so warm and sweet,
as we look deep into each other's eyes,
we know that our hearts were not wrong
you take my hand and you break away,
lead me smiling to your well worn bed,
slowly we touch each other to the core,
blissful hours spent in deep love's grip

[adreannaTal{fb}]

2/13/11


thinking today....
talking to my Master and a few others....
wondering why?? people are so down on me
when all i want for them is success....this song may say what
i am trying to say....

[adreannaTal{fb}]

2/14/11



a day of love & devotion
my Master i may not be your 1st
but i'd love to be your last

[adreannaTal{fb}]

2/16/11

always liked this poem says alot


Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

[adreannaTal{fb}]

2/17/11



Dancing to Love's song
she carries a tune,
toes tracing a fable
all written in rune...
Long lost limb lyrics
now lap up her sides,
nimbling the feelings
lids' thin shadow hides...
And nothing else gentles
the begging within
like the Love song now stroking
the soul of her skin

[adreannaTal{fb}]

2/20/11



I´ve spent my life looking for you
Finding my way wasn´t easy to do
But I knew there was you all the while
And it´s been worth every mile.

Lay down beside me and love me and hide me
Kiss all the hurting of this world away
Hold me so close that I´ll feel your heartbeat
And don´t ever wander away.

Mornings and evenings all were the same
And there was no music ´til I heard your name
But I knew when I saw you smile
Now I can rest for a while.

Lay down beside me and love me and hide me
Kiss all the hurting of this world away
Hold me so close that I´ll feel your heartbeat
And don´t ever wander away.

Lay down beside me
Kiss all the hurting of this world away
Hold me so close
And don´t ever wander away.



thinking about all my Master tells her
that he loves her never wants her to release her
glad that he found me
and does not care what others say about it....
this song reminds me of what he would say....